When my father died, I had already prepared myself for his loss. I did this both consciously and unconsciously over time in order to survive the unthinkable.

It began when I put together a film of his life for his 80th birthday party and couldn’t watch it with him as I was in the bathroom crying. I realised then that I would have to deal with the pain of thinking about losing him in order to survive the reality.

I began to see this process as a gift because I had time to contemplate and begin processing my father’s death prior to it happening; and this ensured it was better for us both.

I saw that it was first and foremost about my dad. This is not to say my emotions didn’t matter; far from it. But reframing my thoughts about death helped me to place my father’s needs ahead of my own for those last few precious years. And that helped me to see that time was, not only a gift for us both, but an opportunity for slowing down, opening up, and honouring my father while he was alive.

In beginning the grieving process before he died, I managed to stand strong when he did die. I became the person who others came to when they needed strength and love, and I created and performed my father’s funeral and celebration of life without allowing the experience to swallow me.

I now do this work to honour my gorgeous father. My service to you is his legacy.